footwear or felony?

I was raised in an area that is city with redneck/country mixed in for good measure. My mother was a native of Florida, as was I (rare breed, I know). My father was a good ole Yankee Transplant. But he eats grits, yet refuses to eat oatmeal or cream of wheat after they were his childhood sustenance during the Depression of the 1930s. Along came his children born to a southern native, and I can not tell you how many times I heard the man tell me to "EEE-NUN-SEE-ATE for christsake, don't talk like you have a bunch of crap in your mouth!" As a result, my diction has become fairly well suited for speaking publicly.
Then, this half-Yankee married an all-redneck descendant and allowed him to expose our children to his relatives. I fear I myself am losing my ability to sound like a Southern Yankee. (I'm part Yankee, but more Southern than Yankee-if that makes ANY kind of sense.)
My oldest has spent entirely too much time mingling with those drawly folks up in South Carolina, and my half-yankee ears are vacillating between entertainment and discomfort at the sound of him trying to articulate anything. As it's fast approaching Christmas, decorations start coming out of bins. You know those sock looking things hung by the fireplace for a certain saintly being to fill with goodies? When you think of that description, the word STOCKING comes to mind right? So when you see or hear that word, you think of something resembling this:

To hear my son ask if we're going to "do" them, gets translated by the listener to equate to committing a crime. This criminal inquiry comes about because of his acquired drawl. What comes next is the manner in which my ears HEARD my son ask the question. "Are we gonna do stalkings?"
I was his primary caregiver when he learned to speak. I KNOW for a fact he was not raised with that thick syrup for articulation to attain this:


I am not some psycho, so really, there is no need to stalk anyone. Plus there's that desire to avoid criminal charges. Now in his mind he was thinking footwear inspired decorative items. In my ear arrived a request to commit a felony. I surely hope he doesn't think I'm *THAT* kind of mother.