Wednesday, May 21, 2008

just do it

I went to the police sub-station to get a copy of the police report for the bank, so they don't have to yank that $575 back out of our account. Thank you Jack Schmuckatelli for stealing money from us....I hope they catch who it is. Although I may have a better shot at winning the lottery, than the thief being actually apprehended in this case. While I was there, the person behind the nice plexiglass partition was listening to the dispatcher. She turned to her cohorts and asked if they heard it. She said "That crazy lady on the bridge! She's got the DP Bridge shut down now in both directions" She went on to say available help was requested to help divert traffic on both sides of the bridge. OK, first of all this is just rude crude and socially unacceptable.

If you wish to off yourself, that is entirely your call. I mean, some people just need to run away from life so badly this seems like their only option. I get that. I've known a few people in my life that in fact took themselves out because the context of their lives were so out of whack they couldn't stand living anymore. If you want to kill yourself, I only ask that you're considerate of those you leave behind. That means the entire rest of the human population. YES, I said be considerate of us, even in your damaged mental state.

WHY? Well let me help the clueless ones to understand.

1. I understand the desire to do the job right. Good work ethic is hard to find, and it's a shame that you want to remove your good work ethic from the workforce. I know a few managers that would love to have you on their staff. So when you choose to jump from the tallest bridge in the city, I understand. It's because you want to make sure you do the job well. You paid attention in physics class and you understand a taller origin for your jump means gravity, speed and landing spot are all going to get a good dose of testing from you. In short, big bridge equals big splat. See, all this good stuff makes me sad that you don't think you're worth saving. I don't think you realize how many people just don't get the idea of big bridge equals big splat. I've talked to a few of them...if you rattle their heads, you won't even hear marbles. You might hear sand shifting. But not you, ya smarty pants, you have grey matter that functions!

2. Here's the "BUT" part of this one.... If you hadn't already noticed while you're standing on the big bridge you want to bungee from sans the safety equipment....there are construction crews on one side of the bridge. They're semi-permanent considering the additional temporary concrete barrier walls erected so the moronic drivers in this city don't try to drive in the closed lane. Their presence is a mere TAD difficult to miss. MERE TAD. So when you decide on your jumping spot, these people hired to work on the bridge project, WILL NOTICE YOU. They will call authorities to get you off their job site at the very least. The foreman does not want to deal with OSHA and workman's comp because you endangered the crew for which the foreman is responsible. Oh yea, in your distraught state, you lost all sense of logic. Sorry.

3. Here's the BIG "but" part. Why are you still standing there hemming and hawing about "to jump or not. that is the question" If you remotely considered jumping and took the time and effort to make your way to the top of the bridge, why the heck are you still there? You could've had this entire side show done and over with before it even started. All you had to do was just JUMP already when you first thought about it. NO. You waited around for the cops to show up and they have to close the bridge in both directions to accommodate one person.

That problem you have in your life, has now caused THOUSANDS of people problems. How many people lost money because they were late to work (or even lost their jobs?), or had to pay late pickup fees at the daycare because of the traffic being stopped in both directions on the bridge? Or had to drive the other way back through town to get home, which used up more gas in the middle of a pay period...which will cause a problem for them later as well? Not to mention the other legitimate 911 calls that were delayed responses because there were emergency service personnel directing traffic that normally directs itself sufficiently enough each and every day. In addition, the traffic snarls cause already impatient, rude and aggressive drivers to become even more so. How many more accidents were caused by this?

If you want attention, ask for it. If you want to jump off a bridge, at least wait till after rush hour traffic clears. Having the cops retrieve you from a bridge or river will cause lots of paperwork and a hassle whether you survive the trip or not. Am I being callous? Some would say yes. They are entitled to that opinion, like I'm entitled to mine. I'm not discounting the distress some people have that would prompt them to want to die. I just think that if you decide to go jump off a bridge, when you get there you should just do it and get it over with already.


insanelybusymomma said...

Oh Thank you! I'm just as callous as you are. Me and Sarge wholeheartedly agree with you. Sarge has decided when he retires (or gets free time) he's going to write a book called "Suicide...How to do it right". Just like we believe that Prozac should be put in the municipal water supply, but that's another story.

Lindy said...

Here! Here! Someone needs to write a book on this subject. I agree, if your desperate enough to contemplate suicide then damn it, get it over with & let the rest of us out of your misery!

Mrs. A. said...

I don't know what this says about me as a person, but I laughed my butt off at this essay.

Suicide--not funny. Desperate person--not funny. Your take on it--hysterically funny!