Overacheiving child

My blog is suffering for lack of humor or exciting news in my own life. I blog about what I know. Somehow you find that entertaining enough to read my drivel. Thank you much for keeping me employed here.
The excitement of my weekend is that it's my birthing day. Go back and read that before you post comments or I'll publicly lambaste you for not paying attention. Yes, I said "birthING", as in - one of my spawn was born a certain number of years ago. This occasion celebrates the Clone exiting the womb, and fairly effeciently I will add. Persnickety calls me a machine. 'Snick, Thanks for jinxing me. I feel loved. Really.
The timing of these things also coincides with the annual school district's "Reading Celebration" event. A previous superintendent implemented a standard that students should read 25 age appropriate (or tougher) books per year. Adjustments and allowances were made for novels that had so many pages, it would kill a cat if dropped on the unsuspecting feline. The subsequent Sups never changed that standard, and I actually don't disagree with it. So the kids that read at least 25 books got invited to this big vendor-fest downtown. My Clone qualified, something like 5 times over.
She is one of those girls I disliked in school. SHE went on record as having read 147 books. Yes, that was correct: one hundred forty seven. I had to staple an extra sheet of paper in her agenda book to extend her reading log. She likes to read, and I'm not going to prevent that. So I took her to the event, she earned it. Free lunch was involved for the kids, and who am I to argue that? I kidnapped the landlord's spawn since he took Beast for servitude elsewhere.
The girls and I suffered the beating sun and 90 plus degrees (no arguing the temps either, preggo thermometer rules are in place here). Clone loved that when she was asked how many books she read, her answer was met with astonishment and excitement.
Did I mention that when I was in school, I didn't like those over-achieving girls who read more books in a school year than I had interest in reading in my entire life?
I'm too much a slacker-mom to be one of those over-achieving people. I'll just have to live vicariously through my over-achieving clone.
Happy Birthday Clone.

Lakanuki and Cankonkinaminit

I have a chat buddy that I've known for a couple years that like a few of my in-person friends, just gets me. I haven't had a chance to talk to Insanelybusymomma in a while because her real life has been... well, insanely busy. She's a police dispatcher, so she is unabashed in her commentary about things, and stuff that makes some women blush do not faze her one bit. Sex is one thing that has come up in conversation between us, like it does with several of my equally off-color humored friends. I commented on how my preggo hormones are utterly raging and Devildog is not complaining. I personally feel like I have the Hawaiian Curse (as in lakanuki). She commented on her recent personal experiences being brief. I'm being kind because it's not my detail to share. So later as I was about to say goodnight, at this ungodly late hour, I said something about being willing to take a loss of sleep (as in Cankonkinaminit) to rectify the hormonal imbalance I currently possess.
I was told not to hurt my husband - which I won't do because that would be an additional problem for me, and I try to make as few problems for myself as possible.

here, let me make it much simpler:

"I.B.M" (3:10:32 AM): Oh geesh, don't hurt the guy Feisty LOL

Feisty (3:10:34 AM): nope, not quite the kiddie carnival ride

Feisty (3:10:57 AM): two ups, two downs and a couple lefts

"I.B.M." (3:11:06 AM): BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Feisty (3:11:10 AM): omg i just cracked myself up even

"I.B.M." (3:11:15 AM): ROFLMAO

"I.B.M." (3:11:36 AM): I'd be lucky if it got to a couple of lefts

So, as you try to digest that...I'm going to my bed. And if you didn't see the humor we saw in it, meh, better luck next time for both of us. I'll just blame the sleep deprivation and the hawaiian curse. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Cabin Fever

It has literally been raining since Sunday afternoon, virtually nonstop. There have been periods of spit-on-you drizzling, and actual spots of NO rain falling, but it has been raining since Sunday. Can some of these businesses shut off their sprinklers for a few days? It's overkill to be running the sprinkler system when it's raining EACH DAY for free. It's looked like this all week. As I finish this post, another deluge is plummeting from the clouds that I snapped a picture right as I started this blog post. I stole the other picture from Persnickety's blog because nothing I found accurately portrayed the week's weather in my opinion.

Because it's been raining so much, the kids haven't been outside to do anything this entire week. All the kids are going bonkers, including the Stowaway, who is probably going to get nicknamed Thumper. I took Clone to Chick-Fil-A the other day so she could run around and play for an hour or so to get some of the energy out of the way. Last night friends C&S begged me to let Clone come to their house to play because their own child was firmly wedged in their unsunny places and they needed to sit down without an extra pair of little legs in the way. It was nice to not have Disney channel on the tv for a while. Except, the teenagers went no where and there was no quiet in my house anyway.

This morning, I was lazing in my bed because it's comfy and cozy in there. The kids keep trying to lay in my bed and hang out when I'm in there escaping or resting. GO AWAY! It's MY bed and yes, it's cozy because I made it that way! *ahem* sorry. Anyway, I was lazing in my bed and avoiding my parental duties to the two teens and a Clone because I am also a slacker mom who raised her spawn to be independent beings that can get their own sustenance in the mornings, including brewing a pot of coffee for the household. There arose with such a clatter - 0r more like a bunch of screeching, and yowling - the sounds of feathers and fur flying. The teenagers were pushing each others' buttons and the Clone was shrieking for them to stop. They went to blows a couple weeks ago in front of her, poor girl.
After I got out of bed and did my own shrieking, things settled down a bit, but I was still ticked. I refused to let them explain what was going on, why, how etc. I just didn't want to get in the middle of it. I need to set up a box office in the front yard, so I can make some extra money selling tickets to their fights. It might compensate for some of the stress they cause at least.

A little while later, Beast was in the kitchen and I forget what he did or said that made me look at him like I did, but I broke out the "mom stare". He stared back. After a few seconds of that he said "I guess what we have here is a good old-fashioned Mexican standoff." I continued to stare at him. Beast looked around and said "Wait, there are no Mexicans here. Let's go to Home Depot!" I continued to stare, attempting to retain the poker face, but it was failing. Comedians.

A mother's gotta do what a mother's gotta do

We've been steaming the past couple weeks, then WHAM a cold front hits us. We need the rain, and I certainly don't object to giving the air conditioner a break. However, this is the South, and I know that the temperatures will surely rise again.
So, in preparation for that, and the fact that it's been 7 months since my last visit to LaNae's chair, I was overdue for a haircut. My hair was getting tied into a ponytail, or clipped somehow back off my face or up off my neck every day. That's a sure sign of my hair screaming for attention. I tried to go a couple weeks ago, but that whole bladder debacle topped off a day of screwy happenings, including missing my appointment with LaNae.
So here's the before picture.
Apparently RW likes to take pictures in a way that annoys the crap out of me, resulting in a surly expression on my face. There was also the fact that I was once again running late for my appointment with LaNae, after having spent the morning thinking way more than my pregnant brain should have been attempting. I don't do logistics in the morning, coffee or not.

I got there, and she asked how much was getting cut off today and pointed to the usual spot I have her cut my hair. I told her to go shorter in anticipation of the heat and general UGH that comes with the combination of a Florida summer and pregnancy. As usual, I never fail to look better after leaving LaNae's chair.
It also serves as my weekly belly picture that I've been doing during this pregnancy. I didn't get to do that with the other 3 kids - or at least I didn't think to do it, plus I would still have 20 rolls of undeveloped film sitting in a basket with those belly pictures on them anyway.

Devildog saw it, didn't like it and said it was too short. Clone saw it and got ticked because I didn't take her to get her hair cut too. RW saw it and said "ACK! It's short!" Beast hasn't seen it yet. I was crashed in my bed when he got home, and he himself has been asleep since he got in the door. I guess he's in the middle of a growth spurt or something.

In any case, I love it so far. I have actually contemplated getting my hair this short for a LONG time, but always chickened out for some reason. I don't know why, it's just hair and it grows back. I DO know that between heat, pregnancy and the work involved in getting a baby to exit my body, I needed it short.

A few smirk-worthy things

First of all, my pal Sunny sent something for the Crazy Lady to taunt so go check that out. Then come back here...or just click on that link in a minute when you're done reading this one.

At church today my dear friend E. sat next to us. It was nice to see her, she's been having some health issues, and teenage-son-becoming-adult-age issues and since I have your attention, keep this family in your prayers. Beast has been helping the ushers for quite some time now, and has pretty much been assimilated into their fold. It's prompted a lot of changes in him and his appearance at Mass. There were times he'd go play by the retention pond while I was at Mass, or he'd pitch a fit and sit in the bushes like a garden gnome (kid you not). He's gone from wearing wrinkled t-shirts and khakis to wearing less wrinkled collared shirts and khakis. Then he moved to dark pants and collared shirts. Then Clone's Godmother gave him a dress shirt and he snagged one of Devildog's ties. He outgrew that shirt fast enough and I had to buy him a bigger one. Then this week was the 8th grade semi-formal and he had to have a jacket to go. A sweet Salvation Army find, and on a day the blue and white tags were half off...$5 later, he has a jacket. So he was wearing that today as well, and lots of comments were shared on his new appearance. At one point, E. saw Beast and leaned over to Clone and asked "Is that your brother?"
Clone was busy filling out and doodling on her offering envelope, but looked up at E. and with a straight face, said "nope, I've never seen him before in my life."

When I asked what she said, and got the answer, I had a hard time containing my mirth. Do you know how difficult it is to not cackle during Mass?

Spelling sentences

Clone gets a weekly packet of homework that consists of the same general scheme of assignments. My MIL has been here a couple days, and Clone wanted MIL's help with homework. Because anything MeMa helps with is way better than anything mom helps get done, right?
One of Clone's weekly assignments is to take her choice of 10 spelling words and create sentences with them. One of this week's words is "afford". The sentence she wrote using that word?

"I can't afford you a Gameboy."

I don't own an iron skillet

And it's probably a good thing. My MIL and her boyfriend are coming to visit with what I call short notice considering our work schedules and the energy levels of a certain gestating female head of household. My house is a total closetless, stuff-filled disaster, with empty boxes in a holding pattern for moving to a new house. My husband has been busy with work, and on his one day off prior to his mother's arrival, I don't see any results of his personal efforts to improve the appearance of the house. And to boot, he's gone to bed while I culled items in the den and he left RW to clean the living room strewn with Clone's droppings. An argument ensued between me and RW. Cranky preggo, cranky teenager. Really not a good mix, but we didn't throw daggers at least. I'll save that for the husband.
What?? I told you I don't have a skillet.

The verdict is in now

My 20 week ultrasound was scheduled for Friday the 8th. It was not the least interrupted day either. Clone's ears are still bothering her from spending too much time in the water last weekend, and she was apparently nauseated from it affecting her equilibrium. So, the school called for me to come get her. I allowed myself to get sidetracked and was then running late for my appointment. Add to it a Clone feeling green and ready to hurl yet I had nothing handy. I keep a 2 liter bottle of water in case the mom-bus needs a drink or someone on the side of the road has a car needing a drink. I've been stranded with an overheated car and empty radiator myself so I can relate to those unprepared individuals. With my merchandising job I keep a box cutter in the glove box for those times I forget to put my knife back in my workbag. I had to pull over and cut the top off the 2 liter bottle so she could have a container to collect her gack. Call me a girl scout like that I guess.
So I call the OB's office to let them know I'm going to be late. My Daddy taught me to do that because it's the courteous thing to do, and you wouldn't believe how surprised people are when you actually call and say "I'm running late". Thankfully they had a cancellation at 10:30 and I could still get my ultrasound, and be done in time to wait forever for my OB visit to follow up from the lovely adventure to the ER. So with Devildog and Clone in tow, we got to see the wiggly worm baby, and baby gave up the money shot - 3 lines, no bulging parts. So it's another girl - in case you didn't notice the change in the ticker color from a rainbow to pink.
Then I stopped back at that secondhand store to buy some snap-front onesies. I had a ton of them with Clone and they were an utter godsend if she had a blowout. If you've never changed a baby wearing a regular over-the-head onesie after a blowout diaper...ooh you're in for a treat. Blowouts+regular onesie = You're done for. Then I found a onesie with this design on it and immediately thought of Devildog's buddies. So I got it for the first time the guys get to meet the Stowaway. We'll see how many of them are paying attention.

Buddah Belleh & Drunken Debauchery

OK, let me preface this by saying I was told I'm overdue for a blog post, and I got the hint that I was about to be fired. Point taken, I'm posting.
Now, where I left off was what has prompted Kristin to call me Betsy-Wetsy - and Persnickety to promise never to let me live down such events.
The next day we went to Clearwater to play for the weekend. On the way down there though, we stopped in Bushnell to visit my mom's gravesite. I haven't ever been and I wanted to go at least once before Dad moves her up to the new VA cemetery being built in North Florida, that is so much closer. I would have liked some alone time for just 2 minutes, but by that point in the day, the kids were cabin-crazy and any unsupervised time was at risk for antics. We took some pictures and got back on the road. It's very quiet there, even when the landscapers were at work. We all know my penchant for quiet and how I crave it. On to our destination. As we got to the bay, all I could think was "wow the water is a beautiful turquoise", unlike the Atlantic Coast.
Someone rented sleeping quarters at a ... "quaint" condo on the inlet side of the beach where it was much quieter and actually really nice. They're an older set of buildings with a nice spankin new and sparkly high rise complex next to it. Red was giving directions to someone and said "you see the nice condos right there? Yea we're in the cheap seats next door." We were at the flamingo pink place. Absolutely respectable with full kitchens, a pool, and the on site managers always asked how we were doing when we passed them. I guess since I have nice things to say, I can tell you it was Coral Resort Condo in Clearwater Beach. It's a couple blocks from the ocean and there are lots of restaurants nearby. The beach has a covered playground and Clone said "I could play here ALL DAY!" She was not happy when we left but the pool made up for it.
I called Kristin and let her know I landed and we made arrangements for her to drive out to see me. I drove 4 hours to her neck of the woods and her aunt bagged on their weekend plans a few days before, so I was all too happy to force her to leave the house and socialize. Plus, she needed to rub my belly because I'm also all too happy to share my "fertility vibes" with anyone who desires to have it. I just look sideways at Devildog and get pregnant. Devildog joked about how he could help her achieve such goals, but it might require some hefty explanations since her husband is not geographically present at the moment.
Now, granted the company I was with wasn't exactly classy either. We have Devildog - self admitted redneck from the hood. Then there's Red, who is from New Hampshire, but apparently has been outside of the northeast enough that a gaggle of rednecks don't mind hanging with him. We've got a Michigan Redneck, plus a single guy who reeks of solo bachelorhood, our two resident lushes. We can trust these two guys to drink more than they should at any given gathering. There's J & K who got married last weekend. There's P. who just needs to know there's a plan of some kind, regardless of its ability to meet success or not. She, Devildog and I get along mostly because we just need to know what is going on and what the plan is. The other yayhoos are just fine flying by the seat of their pants 24/7.
So you get the bunch of us, and Clone, Beast and RW together...and it proves interesting. Having teenagers along was nice for trips to CVS to get things like film and supervising their little sister in the pool so I could rest in the AC. The kids absconded with the cameras (mine and Kristin's) and they got some good pictures. Granted the ones taken with her camera were way better because my camera is pretty low tech, is very much NOT user friendly, and I have been wanting a new one for months now. In the meantime, Red decided to up the ante on things and offered my boys cash money to cut their hair. So we have pictures of that stuff. I'm so glad Kristin was there to keep me company while I avoided the guys and their shenanigans. My boys do look so much better with haircuts, and I think they look a couple years older. Sad that a bunch of drunk guys were able to con my sons out of their hair.
But Kristin came with a mission in mind and that was accomplished. The drunken debauchery was a side perk, full of veritable entertainment that wasn't at my expense for a change.

I'd fire my bladder but I can't transplant it

And I had to go to the ER for such antics, but only because the Dr's office was closed on a Friday afternoon! I was getting an oil change on the mom-bus and just sitting in the waiting area. I kept feeling like something was leaking randomly. It was a bit unnerving. I called my friend and she said I needed to call the doctor to be doubly sure that it wasn't an amniotic leak. The office was closed and the answering service had the nurse call me back. She told me that I should go to the ER to get checked. So I made a round of calls to make sure Clone got picked up from school, let Devildog know where I was heading, a friend to ride with me in case they kept me so she could drive my van home, and then a slew of friends to ask them to pray for us. Off I went, and was pretty much whisked in there and taken care of fairly quickly. Apparently ER's don't really like delivering babies - term or otherwise. Go figure. They did the pH swab test - negative. They did a urinalysis - clear. They did an ultrasound - and because of liability can't tell me ANY thing. She wasn't even allowed to show me the screen. I still have to wait till NEXT Friday the 8th to have the official scan. She did say that the baby has a strong heartbeat and the discharge report says that its around 150 beats per minute. She technically wasn't even allowed to say that but because I was feeling movement she felt safe to say that much. The official diagnosis is "stress incontinence". So basically the magic numbers of Baby #4, and 30-something Mom equals a bladder that said "screw you, and while we're at it, pee on ya too". Basically my bladder has decided it's no longer willing to hold its liquids and seal the exit till otherwise instructed. I get to keep my drawers lined and up the ante on the Kegels.

My poor husband was completely unnerved while he was at work and my friend Persnickety went with me while I went to get checked. I feel foolish for the ordeal, but it's far better to be safe than sorry. Persnickety delivered her 5 year old at 23 weeks and had been leaking fluid for a week prior and didn't realize it. I didn't want to do the same thing, especially since I'm 19 weeks. She also has a heart condition, and teased me saying she wasn't going to let me live down this adventure. Her commentary was "I go to the ER because my heart decides to stop functioning like it's supposed to, and YOU go to the ER because you wet your pants." We've known each other since 9th grade and teasing is nothing new to our friendship. Once again, I live up to the subtitle of my blog - Entertainment at my expense. At least I was able to entertain the ER staff. Nothing like yet another cranky patient to add to their day. I prefer to leave them smirking at the antics and commentary. Besides Persnickety and I hadn't seen each other in a while, so you know me, the drama queen, had to get her "Snick fix" and we needed to feed each other's snark. ANY excuse for a party right? Or in Persnickety's case, a colorful and descriptive blog post.
We're very relieved that it's this *lovely* stuff and not anything worse.