Divas' Day Out event

Come to Divas' Day Out, May 11th, 10a-4p

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Do you know anyone in direct sales?

There are people, who like me, choose to do a direct sales venture. There are a multitude of opinions about the business model, but that's not what I'm talking about today. Some companies are great, and others leave a lot to be desired (and that's the nicest thing to say about some of them).

Whether you think they're an awesome venture if the company is a good fit for you or a friend, or you think all of them fall under the category of things to avoid, the fact remains they still exist, and do provide income for many people. Most of them operate with a home party plan, where someone hosts a show and receives gifts or discounts for doing so. The sales person receives a commission off the party sales. That's the most basic gist of the way they operate.

I can't speak for anyone else in direct sales, but the vast majority of people who are direct sales consultants really do take the job seriously. I take it just as seriously as I take any other job I have or had. So, when we go do a show, and someone books a party, we take that seriously. We honor our part of the commitment we make to come to your home, make the time there as fun and interesting as possible and leave a positive impression. We understand that everyone has a life to live and that sometimes there are more lemons than sugar in your world. If you agree to host a show, we take you for your word that you will do it. If you can't uphold that pledge, then please contact your consultant as early as possible, apologize, and let them know you can't do it. Give the consultant the opportunity to rebook that date with enough time to give the new host the same level of service you would have gotten.

To ignore calls, emails, text messages or postal contact is not being kind to the consultant. We would rather be told up front that things changed, than to be left hanging. We understand that circumstances change and you probably feel a little guilty changing or canceling an agreed-upon event. Personally speaking, I have some decent big-girl-pants, and can handle being told the party can't happen. It won't hurt my feelings if you can't do it. I'm not going to judge you or kick you while life is knocking you down too much to add me and my wares to your mix. What I find more hurtful is knowing that you're ignoring me, now expecting that the show isn't going to happen without enough time to rebook that date, and that you're not being adult enough to just be honest with me. You feel bad that you can't do something you promised, but I am now left being told not to go to work that day. You'd be feeling something when your boss calls and says "don't come in to work" when you know that not working means you're not earning any income that day. Likewise, if you were an employer and an employee no-call/no-showed for work, you would not be happy either because that impacts the business.

So, please be kind when you commit to booking a show with your direct sales consultant. Hold up your end of the bargain. If you can't, then be honest and give your consultant enough notice to recuperate that loss of business with you. We will be gracious, thank you for trying and especially for letting us know about the change of plans, and we'll wish you well, and try again another time. If things change later, reach out and book a show again. If not, then just keep that consultant in your thoughts and prayers for their continued success. You may not be able to directly help their business fiscally, but you can help in other ways through well wishes, prayer or referring other people to them. We will most certainly and gratefully accept any of that from you.

Normally I try to avoid the news because it raises my blood pressure, and demonstrates the moral lows of society. But this is abhorrently low. I don't care what your position on the pro-life/pro-choice conversation is, because the root of this story isn't based in that debate. I have seen this all over the web because none of the mainstream outlets are talking about it (but they'll talk ad nauseum about Vick's antics). They'd rather rail on a dog cruelty case till people get tired of hearing it and stop giving a crap about it, but we won't hear about this human-against-human cruelty at all. But this story of greed, indignity, predatory behavior, municipal failures, and murder deserves more attention than a football player who shot his own foot, or the one who committed his own egregious harm to animals. This case deserves the same kind of outrage that stemmed from the death of Treyvon Martin, minus the division of the populace. Where is Corrine Brown's wig-wearing,, horrible grammar self, lambasting the officials in Pennsylvania for not doing anything to stop this death mill? Where is Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Gloria Allred, Nancy Pelosi, Sarah Palin, or any freaking body else who claims to be a proponent of equality, fairness, and what's morally appropriate? They're all afraid to go near this story, because it's so horrific and inhumane, they're ashamed to admit nothing was done about it sooner.

I see jerks making judgmental comments about the women that went to this medically trained individual (he's not a doctor or a man - those 2 types will generally be of help and care). Instead of judging women for making the choices they do, start training your sons and daughters to choose mates and partners wisely, and to treat each other with respect, so they don't find themselves feeling so desperate that they have no other option but the path to this guy's office. Because there's always going to be vultures circling the vicinity of anything smelling desperate. And instead of looking down on women who land in tricky situations, reach out to them with compassion and kindness. You don't have to buy them a car, stroller, or diapers, but just give them the emotional support to get through the challenges, and stop kicking people when they're already down as it is.

I was there myself 20 years ago - feeling sticky and trapped and lost. However, I was incredibly lucky. Oh my God, how incredibly lucky I was. I'd had sex with a guy who was raised with morals, and who was not going to leave me stranded. And we got pregnant. SO many people pair up with someone who doesn't hold the same sense of obligation, and they get into trouble for the decision. Emotional, physical, and financial abuse is a small part of it. But the children suffer for it every time.

Thankfully - oh so incredibly thankfully, I did not suffer the same fate my counterparts did. I was not abandoned. I was not left to fend for myself. I was not overtly harmed. I did lose friends. I did miss out on fun. I was looked down upon by many - and yes, I could see it, hear it, feel it. All they saw was someone who looked 12 (I was 17) with a bulging middle, and they never stopped to ask me my story, or offer encouragement. They could only bother to assume unkind things about me, about my parents, about my situation. They contributed to kicking me, and breaking me down - even if only in their minds.

Why are we doing that to each other?

I had a friend whose boyfriend was pushing hard for her to have another abortion after falling pregnant when birth control failed again. I tried to convince her to keep her baby, and promised that I completely understood and grasped her fears, as I'd lived them. I volunteered to help her any way I could so that she could avoid the path she was walking toward. I didn't share with my husband that she didn't want the abortion but she felt like she had no option. He and I both wish I'd told him. He would have intervened with certainty. Later that fateful day, this girl was mourning the loss, and inconsolable. I still feel guilty that I didn't do more.

Had she been given more encouragement, instead of being berated and told she wouldn't make it, I'm certain that she would have done well despite the challenges. I knew she had it in her to get there. A few years later, she reached out to me via IM, thanking me for mentoring her and encouraging her. She finally got away from that particular guy and was living elsewhere and doing well. I do not know what ever happened to her after that, but I think of her often. I know she still carries the burdens of the choices made in her earlier days, and it will forever haunt her.

Instead of casting knowing and judgemental glares at young women who become mothers sooner than they should, smile at them. Stop and say "You look young, and you probably feel daunted and overwhelmed, but just know you're doing the right things to raise your child. I admire you for what you're doing." If you're in a position to do something tangible, ask if they need diapers, bus fare, pants for the child, shoes for herself, a text book for college classes, a car seat that is appropriate for her child's age/stage, lunch money, or even a freaking nap and you'll watch the little for her.

Get back to being a neighbor in the old-fashioned sense of the word, and stop being the person that just lives in the same neighborhood. Be a neighbor and friend, and evil will have less chance to reach the pervasive levels that this individual reached, because people won't feel so freaking hopeless and desperate. Stop giving such a damn about what's in it for yourself, and start just being interested in what's the right thing to do for someone ELSE, without reparation to your own self.